arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I didn't notice because vodka
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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