im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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