Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
