i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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