new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
