Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
