Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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