this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
