dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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