At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
sex in a hospital.. check
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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