I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
