My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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