honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
