I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
