i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
