STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
