Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
