okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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