worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
