That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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