you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
