It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
