I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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