i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
