Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize