So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
