I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize