So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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