fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize