So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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