Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
farters have to be the big spoon...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
