I think i peed on brittanys purse
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
