dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
FUCK WHALES
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
