I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
