she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
