Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
