Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
