Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
