i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize