Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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