I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
