is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
A bitchslap is in order.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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