I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
