I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
