I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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