Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
