what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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