I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
