I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
