the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
