He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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