she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
