You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
