im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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