He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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