Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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