I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
