Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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